This is Desmo. She and her foster sister Bodine are really good to me. They let me live in their house, wait on them hand and foot, sit on their chairs and sleep in their bed. And they know how to relax.
Relaxing is what I should be doing since I am on holidays for two weeks (yay!) but I am beginning to think that I am incapable of relaxing, even a little bit and that the zen-like level of contentment demonstrated above by Desmo is something I will never come close to.
Tomorrow I will turn 40 and to say I am apprehensive is an understatement. I know milestones such as these should be celebrated but I can't see past all the doors that are closing to me. Marriage, babies, raising a family - all I've ever wanted for my life is just probably not ever going to happen now. Of course it's not like flipping a switch, I've known my chances weren't good for a while, but 40 just seems so final!
So, if I have to have this birthday (and apparently I do), then I shall make the best of it. I am having a party on Friday night and a whole bunch of friends are coming, including a number that I haven't seen for many years. I'll be making a dress (of course) but I haven't started it yet (also of course).
And I'll try to practice being more like Desmo.
The magazine goes to …
59 minutes ago